What's driving you?
This is an important question that deserves some thought. Why do we do what we do? Many of us who are religious will say that God is our motivation, that we're just trying to follow God's will in our lives. I think this is good and it is where our hearts should be: dependent upon God's grace and focused on him and what he desires.
Yet oftentimes we have dysfunctions that show up in our lives. We may notice that we are often hurting others in our interactions, or that we are often angry with ourselves for not being true to who we are. We may hold improper boundaries that let other people run our lives, over-function for others and run their lives, or hold others at a cold distance, never showing the vulnerability required for deep friendship. We want to do God's will, but so often we find ourselves in messes that we create. We're sinners; we sometimes miss the mark.
I've been struck by two books that I've been reading recently that have spurred my thinking on the above question: Steve Seamand's Ministry in the Image of God and Greg Boyd's Present Perfect. In Seamands' book, he writes on how the Trinity shows us that we need to accept ourselves, weaknesses and all. He writes about learning how to discern between the false self and the true self that we were made to be in Christ. Seamands is very aware of what drives his own false self: "accomplishment, acceptance, and acclaim" (p. 128) were expectations he put on himself early on because his father was a well-accomplished missionary, preacher, counselor, and author. These pieces fueled a perfectionism in Steve that told him his identity and worth would come from overachieving, being loved by all people, and being more famous than his colleagues.
There's nothing wrong with these things in themselves, but if they start driving and forming my identity over Jesus' love and acceptance, they become toxic. They can breed anxiety and fear.
Thank God he doesn't let us believe our lies or leave us in our mixed-up expectations forever! God has a way of exposing our false beliefs about where our identity comes from. He has a way of showing us that even though we're limited, often selfish, and sometimes mistaken, Christ's love and acceptance of us is enough. Our identity is in Christ and His love for us, not in our anxieties, people-pleasing, notoriety, coolness, intelligence, goals, or whatever else we use to judge our worth. Since Christ has loved us and fully accepts those who repent and believe, shouldn't we love and accept ourselves?
Greg Boyd brings up a good objection that some may give to having our identity in Jesus' grace in his book:
Some may fear that if they rest in God's love they will lose their drive to be the best they can be in school, in their careers, or even in their ministry. As one concerned parent objected after hearing me speak on this topic to a youth group, "My son needs drive if he's ever going to amount to anything in this world" (p. 72).Boyd later answers:
But the more we train our minds to remember God moment-by-moment, the more we discover an entirely different kind of motivation for doing things. We no longer engage in activities in a desperate and futile attempt to acquire Life [sic] we don't yet have; rather, we engage in them as a means of expressing the fullness of Life we already have - - apart from these activities. The irony is that when a person no longer needs to succeed to feel fully worthwhile and significant they will tend to be more successful than if they did need this. When we need to achieve, acquire, and accomplish things to find Life, the pressure often compromises our passion, creativity, and flexibility (pp. 72-73).I don't know about you, but I want that. I want my disposition to be transformed from anxious striving to graceful sharing and working. I want my motives to be a joyful response of love to the God who loves and accepts me. I want constantly to be aware that God loves me in this present moment just as I am, and therefore I can accept myself as God's beloved. I want the Spirit to continue to expose my false beliefs and my mixed-up motives so that I can repent and be more like Jesus. I don't want my standards to be higher than Jesus' standards.
I'm not there yet, but I believe I can grow. I want to grow in the awareness that God loves me and everyone I come into contact with in each and every moment. I want that to form my disposition, that to be the motive that directs me. I think this is part of what the biblical writers and theologians are talking about when they mention sanctification.
So how about you? What's driving you?
