Christ our Light and the Prayer of Examen

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.” – (John 3:19-21, NIV)


I’ve noticed a peculiar behavior in myself and my relationship with God. Sometimes I ask God for forgiveness of my sins without letting the Holy Spirit search me and bring specific sins to light. Taking such an approach to forgiveness is not wise. I’ve tried to rationalize it before by saying that this method helps me seek God’s forgiveness for those times when I have sinned and not even realized it. While unknown failings are real possibilities, only focusing on them neglects something deeper, and one thing I’ve learned from Wesley is that sin has more to do with the intention of the heart and the will, not merely externally doing the right things. Such blanket requests for forgiveness help me run away from the searching presence of the Holy Spirit, from Christ the True Light, from our Father who disciplines his children. It shows that I want forgiveness of my sins, but I don’t actually want God to show me my sinfulness, I don’t want to own the inadequacies he reveals in myself, and I don’t want to deal with them and grow in holiness. It’s cheap grace, wanting God on my terms rather than his terms.

Think about it. Does any other relationship work that way? Would you say to a friend, family member, or spouse “I’m sorry if I hurt you today in any way” without seeking to understand, own, and specifically acknowledge your failure? Such an action comes across as disingenuous and will not be tolerated for long. Friendships and relationships aren’t sustained on false forgiveness, but on honest sharing about our choices and how we affect each other. You can’t forgive if you don’t fully own the truth of how you have hurt someone and/or someone has hurt you (there’s rarely a purely “innocent” party in interpersonal conflicts). If this is true with other people, how much more is it true and important with the God of the universe? God desires real relationship with sinners who haven’t got it all together yet, not a dishonest relationship that involves a lot of pretty Christian words, but is cold and detached.

Maybe this is why the desert fathers and mothers, the monks, and the mystics of the Christian tradition have so emphasized what is termed “the prayer of examen.” This is a coming under the searchlight of our loving Father, who seeks our improvement and conformity to Christ. In this form of praying, we invite God to reveal those areas where we have been faithful to him so we can celebrate them, and we also invite God to reveal those ways in which we have failed that we can mourn, repent, and seek God’s aid. God has a way of humbling those of us who think we are always justified in our actions and never sin, and he has a way of comforting and correcting those of us who tend to beat ourselves up too much.

When we do this, we take a posture of listening and ask God to search us (I like to pray Psalm 139:23-24 when I begin such times). We then think through our days and past actions, cognizant of God’s presence with us. We are sensitive to the promptings and directives of the Holy Spirit, who rejoices over the good and seeks to correct the bad. Remember: God’s correction is not meaningless, but rather is for our wholeness in Christ and for the sake of blessing others. Rather than de facto assuming that we have sinned in many egregious ways throughout each day, it may be the case that when we pray, God shows us that we didn't sin today. (I’ve yet to find in the Bible the phrase “we all sin daily in many ways;” in fact, the writers of Scripture seem to expect a higher standard for the Christian life. Christ died for more than to “polish the chains that bind us,” as one of my professors is keen on saying.) Maybe there is something God has wanted to show us that we’ve been keeping at a distance by asking for a blank, unspecified forgiveness so we wouldn’t have to acknowledge and deal with the ugliness.

There have been many times where I have run away from Christ our Light in order that I might cling to some darkness and sin in my life. God is working on me with that. The last part of the John 3 quote is key: “But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.” The truth is that Christ has died for sinners that whoever actively trusts in him may have true and everlasting life, not the empty and despairing life marked by his absence. This gift of grace is what empowers us to live in the light and show everyone the transformative power of God in our lives. I hope you’ll join me in seeking to honestly relate to God about our successes and failures.